With being swamped with homework, late nights, and the general existential weight of being a student that rests on your shoulders, that 10-, 20-, 45-, 90-minute (if there’s traffic) bus ride has, for most, taken up their last saving-grace moments of free time. But on these bus rides, it’s often unclear what we should even be using these valuable minutes for, and with so little time, it seems profligate to squander even a minute. So I, as a professional bus rider, have compiled a short list of making the most of your too-cold/too-warm/smelly/bumpy ride.
1. Stare out the window and think important thoughts. Now, I know it sounds crazy, and you definitely won’t remember what you thought, but hey, when you arrive, you’ll feel like something important happened. Whether it’s reality-deciding questions like what you will yell tomorrow to intimidate your lacrosse opponent, or trying to figure out how to explain to your parents that the reason you got a D is “not because I failed, but because the school failed me,” know this: your time will fly right by.
2. Do the homework that’s due right now. Like, 5 minutes from now. When we sometimes stay up late, or a task slips our mind, we put things off till tomorrow. And sometimes this can be a smart move. Because when the bus arrives in approximately four minutes and there are eight problems left, our brain enters a zone of focus that has stumped the world’s greatest minds. And sometimes, the work is so good that the intricate beauty of your novel solution could even astound Mr. Tkach, if only you could remember it once you step off the bus.
3. Develop really strong feelings about other people’s music. We can most definitely hear it, whether their headphones don’t cover their ears, or they don’t realize their AirPods aren’t connected. Either way, you have no choice but to be a reluctant critic, deciding if you should consider them as ball-knowers or bandwagoners based on a tiny sample of snare drum.
4. I mean, maybe just don’t leave the bus. Math test first thing in the morning? Yeah, stay on board. See what happens. I’ve done this a few times, so I’ll teach you the method: Crunch up into a ball (as tightly as you can), make sure your feet are off the ground and nothing is above the seat, and wait. Only then, you will finally figure out where all the buses go during the day. Because we all know they leave… but nobody knows where. Until now.
5. Fall asleep and wake up in a panic. You decide to get a little shut-eye—after all, it was a long day and an all-nighter. But maybe that rest was a little too good. You wake up with absolutely no idea where you are, what time it is, or where in the world you’re going. For a brief moment, you relish in the idea that your doomsday prepping has paid off, the government really is a hoax, Elvis isn’t dead, and the zombies are here—until a backpack hits you and brings you back to reality.
6. Pick up a new hobby. Do some research, find equipment, watch some YouTube videos. Scroll through endless TikToks about how cool it would be to master something new, and read a random blog post about it. Buy the equipment on Amazon and brag to your family and friends that you’re about to develop a crazy hidden talent. And then the best part: get off the bus and go learn that hobby! Haha! Just kidding. Who has time for that? You’ll just stack the equipment in your room as a monument to the person you could’ve been.
7. Compose a scathing email response that you won’t send. The bus is a place to get your emotions out. That email you just received? Why don’t you go ahead and speak your mind? Write something devastating. Eloquent, crafty, precise. You read it back a few times and are pleasantly surprised when it’s actually pretty good. Then you delete it—which is tragic, but probably for the best.
8. Eavesdrop on a super interesting conversation that has nothing to do with you. “Did you hear Diana broke up with Todd? There was some huge fight…she said she hated him…it was all over a cardboard box, a sponge, and a shard of a porcelain plate…it was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen…” Truly shocking. Take a side. Become fully invested in the idea that Diana was truly wronged in horrid ways. Of course, you don’t know a Diana or a Todd, or the kids talking, or whom you’d even tell this story to. But at the very least, it kept you hooked from start to finish.
9. Rehearse a super important speech or presentation. It’s super important. You told your parents it was super important. It was so important that you stayed up all night to practice, and woke up early too. You spend the entire bus ride perfecting it until you have it down, and it’s flawless. Go on up there! You’re ready! And in your head, you nail every word. In your head, at least. The actual delivery has a lot more “ums,” eye contact with the ceiling, and one moment where you forget your own name. But for just one moment on the bus, you were legend. You were Demosthenes, Lincoln, King…
10. Convince yourself that you have a little more time. You don’t. It wasn’t the case yesterday, and it won’t be like that tomorrow. The wheels on the bus go round and round each day. Unfortunately, the bus isn’t some place that magically slows down time. Unless you really have to get home, in which case it’ll somehow get stuck on the Beltway and be 10 minutes late. Cheers!
With that, I hope you all garner some important words of advice from this step-by-step guide. If none of these work, then really, the only thing that can help you is the most powerful step of all:
11. Square breathing, because for some reason it does fix everything.
Best of luck!
