Hot Takes: Corona Edition

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The Current’s Hot Takes takes a new form amidst coronavirus pandemic.

Erin Regan and Nicki Ganti

  1. Quarantine has confirmed the fact that Jimmy Fallon is not funny. 
  2. Why take a bath when you can just sit down in the shower? 
  3. The reason we still need feminism is that I feel really anxious about how many exclamation points I use when writing emails. When I don’t use any I feel like I come off cold, but when I use more than one I feel like I seem too flirty. 
  4. Riverdale has turned into horror Glee. 
  5. When is the Patriot Act Volume 6 coming out?
  6. Covid-19 started because of deforestation. 
  7. Why can Otto Westermann crack eggs better than us?
  8. I feel a strong spiritual affinity to Poot, as well as Larry David.  
  9. Am I strange cause everyone says I sway like a moral, more than a color, trouble like a dollar? Cooler than a mother? Beautiful like a daughter, less masculine than Spider-man the maroon. Everybody x6 speaks like a moody liar. Everybody hates that monster’s face in the mirror. Knows nothing like a green color. 
  10. TTYLXOX by Bella Thorne is the greatest rap song of our generation. Determinate from Lemonade Mouth comes at a close second. 
  11. The word simp was meant to target incels and “nice guys,” not men who simply believe in equal rights. 
  12. Does it make me self-absorbed if I can’t stop staring at my own face during all of my zoom classes? 
  13. Online classes would be a thousand times better if the Advanced Humanities Seminar was a year-long course. 
  14. I hate Millie Bobby Brown. 
  15. Drake and Millie Bobby Brown’s friendship was such a cultural reset. I’m actually really happy about it because it catalyzed an important conversation about grooming. 
  16. I am calling it right now. Once this is over the US will officially become India. Americans already became obsessed with yoga and chai. After this pandemic, people will use namaste instead of shaking hands, and the lota instead of toilet paper. 
  17. Cher has the best twitter. 
  18. The most intimate experience two humans can have is being in a breakout room alone together.