Satire: Sophomores attempt to take over the Lower Crossroads

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Ms. Virchow puts an end to the fued with an email. (Photo: Ms. Virchow’s email).

Michael Sweeney, Staff Writer

The Lower Crossroads, May 2021. We observe the sophomores in their unnatural habitat. These natural scavengers encroach upon the juniors’ newfound, well-fought for turf. Much like the hyenas of the South African plains, the 10th graders need to be scared by the new apex predators of the Upper Schools before they consume what is rightfully theirs. 

I mean seriously, the sophomores’ blatant disrespect for Potomac’s traditions are astounding. They never truly felt the absolute terror of stepping on the carpet as a freshman because the class of 2020 were total softies. I’m not saying that hazing freshmen is a good thing, but knowing your place as a lowerclassman is. Also, did virtual learning impact the 10th grade English program? Obviously, the sophomores cannot read the whiteboard that specifically states they’re supposed to be in the Upper Crossroads, the library, or the cafeteria, even after I annotated it for them.

I then proceeded to interview the 10th grader on their absolute betrayal of the Potomac community. Even sophomore Annabel Cronic claimed she was “very embarrassed” by the stunt in the Lower Crossroads. C’mon guys, even someone in your grade agrees with me. 

Junior Hannah Bell stated, “I just think the sophomores should stick to their designated spaces for pandemic-related reasons. We weren’t allowed in the Lower Crossroads when the seniors were here, why should they be allowed?” 

A very valid point. I even brought the issue up with some seniors who have essentially graduated at this point. 

Ellie Huppe commented, “This is what you get when the seniors aren’t on campus to haze them.” 

Hmm, some interesting takes, so maybe the sophomores should decide to stick to their designated spaces, for the overall safety of the school and the preservation of Potomac cultural values.