Satire: The dreaded PDA returns with a vengeance

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Sophomores learn from junior PDA. (Photo: Mina Bahadori).

Clay Socas, Staff Writer

Although Covid may have put a stop to Homecoming, sports seasons, and performances, it also saved many at the school from being forced to witness a horrifying sight: PDA. With an uptick in vaccine rollout and the relaxation of CDC social distancing guidelines, however, the PDA has returned —and in full force. 

“At the start of the pandemic, the 6-feet rule made PDA impossible. If people were too close, a teacher would appear out of nowhere and yell at them to separate. It was a gift and a curse,” junior Mady Bonadio said.  

Over the past few months, however, Potomac couples have found a loophole: If the teachers are too grossed out to interfere, PDA is unstoppable. Now, the PDA has gotten out of control. 

“I walk into the crossroads, see the PDA, and get queasy. Honestly, it’s terrible for my health because I lose my appetite when I see people cuddling at lunch,” junior Helen Otteni said. 

Junior Andrew Mesa added, “I’ve been both a victim and perpetrator of PDA. As someone who has been on both sides, I can wholeheartedly say it’s revolting.”

Andrew and Helen aren’t the only ones who are struggling with the rise in PDA. Just recently, Sam Burton organized a protest against PDA. Built on the slogan “PDA is Publicly Disgusting Affection,” the anti-PDA movement has gained traction in the Upper School.

“I’m not surprised so many people have joined the movement. I just don’t get why people even do PDA. Do they not realize who is around?” Sam Burton, the leader of the anti-PDA movement, explained. 

Whether or not you’re for the movement or against it, it’s clear that PDA has returned to the Upper School community. As we approach the end of the school year, I, along with many of my classmates, implore people to follow the 6-feet guideline. Not because of Covid, but to keep me from throwing up.