PANTHERS WILL YOU ACCEPT THIS ROSE: New cast member Tayshia’s first episode proves promising

Madelyn Bonadio, Opinion Editor

After four grueling episodes, we have finally made it to the introduction of our new Bachelorette: Tayshia. As she walks in, the guys are immediately impressed—she is not only beautiful but has a contagiously fun personality. The guys are quick to line up.  

Here’s a rundown of their conversations:

Ivan: He has an ~”open heart and open mind”~, they are extremely complementary

Riley: They are discussing their careers. Tayshia says, “Oh I’m in lifestyle and beauty work.” Riley is like “oh wowww, that’s cool.” and then hits her with the “I’m a medical malpractice defense attorney.” Clearly their jobs align very well together.

Jordan: He says is that he wasn’t going to stay but now he’s glad he did. Borrrring. On the other hand, at least he has cute glasses.

Roblox Man (Blake): Now that Clare is gone, we are finally learning names. Roblox Man = Blake

  • Blake’s Excessive Roasting of Clare
    • Says he had low expectations post-Clare
    • Says one interaction with Tayshia had been more real than four with Clare

Jason:He confesses he had feelings for Clare and was going to go home.Claims he is on the show for the “right reasons,” to find true love

Fashion Man (Brendan): We love him already, he calls himself a “weirdo in a turtleneck”. 

Meanwhile, an ominous man is walking in the distance, it’s Chris!

The first guy is named Spencer, and as soon as he walks in he says “Which one of you guys scared away Clare?”, a man with humor, we like it. However, the original guys are not too happy with this dude’s attitude. Next is Montel and Peter, they are nervous but adorable. Finally, we meet Noah, he has a mustache from the 1800’s. Immediate. Red. Flag.

As time goes on, we realize Spencer is the planted reality show drama. The guys hate him, Tayshia loves him—we have the male Hannah Ann on our hands. The guys continue their conversations.

Spencer: Tayshia says Spencer is a guy she would go after

Zach: They make wishes on pennies and throw them into a pond. Nice move, Zach. 

Stache Guy (Noah): He has 11 siblings including a twin brother. Why does the mustache suddenly make sense?

Everyone place your bets, it’s time for Tayshia to hand out the first impression rose. And it goes to…. Spencer! You know what that means, drama. We switch back to Chris Harrison, and it is time to interview Clare and Dale. I’m going to spare you this one and leave you with three words in summary: pointless, gross, and boring. 

Back to T, it’s time for the first group date. We find our new group preparing for a day at the pool. Their activity: Bachelor Nation Sports Splash Ball Spectacular. The men are forced into wearing the smallest Speedos possible and are split into teams fighting for extra time with T. Things get so intense. Spencer takes a hit to the face and ends up bleeding all over the pool. The Blue team wins! Time for more convos.

Eazy: These two are so cute together, they both get extremely giddy. Tayshia calls out SoCal “Where I live, there are no men, only boys chasing things.” Very deep T, very deep. 

We go back to the men who are feeling bold, Boy Band Manager calls out Spencer to his face, but much of the conversation was bleeped out. Spencer responds, saying he is not going out of his way to create enemies, but that it is a competition. Riley calls him lunch meat, a proper comeback. I personally would’ve made fun of Spencer’s incredibly ugly shirt that he most likely stole from my father’s closet; however, his poor fashion choices were never mentioned.

The group-date rose is given to Eazy, he is so happy we viewers can’t help but melt. Spencer is visibly jealous. We go back to the guys at home, Jason is struggling with his remaining feelings for Clare, and feels he can’t give out his full heart so soon. He decides Tayshia deserves better and that he is going to leave. His conversation with T is so genuine and kind, Jason was a real man and would’ve been an incredible contestant. He is the definition of right person, wrong time. We will miss you, Jason Foster. 

Last date of the episode, T rides in on a horse to pick up Brendan for their one-on-one date. Brendan is determined to make up for their missed kiss on the first night. Chris Harrison is even more determined to prevent this from happening. He experiences a mild case of multiple personality disorder, changing his identity to constantly crash their date. Wearing a festive sombrero, he starts with the famous Harrison margarita and then runs away to a scooter for his next surprise. Eventually, they evade Chris and his schemes and make it to the pool where they finally get their kiss. Over candlelit dinner, Brendan sheepishly admits he has “baggage,”: he’s been married and divorced before… But twinsies, so has our heroine T. She pays the ultimate compliment, “you are husband material.” They then make out in front of an incredible fireworks display. The Bachelorette sets my expectations for dating way too high. We end the episode with Bennett, our token comic relief, discussing the mysterious stache on Noah’s face, a fantastic way to end the first decent episode of season 16.  

Finally, I can say I’m excited for (not dreading) tonight’s episode. See you at 8, T.